Wednesday, January 6, 2010

sleep TIRED sleep TIRED. tired SLEEP tired SLEEP.

I am now the owner of an iPhone. I am also the owner of a Mac. I'm not saying that to brag, nor am I saying it to internet flirt with my Mac loving husband. I'm saying it because those two machines operate so well that they have done a futuristic movie version of a mind meld on me. I seem to think I should have at least one of them near me at all times.

And from hence is born my 2010 New Year's Resolution.

I am exhausted today. So exhausted that the 6 year old in me is wishing for alphabet soup - for 2 reasons. 1. It would mean that somebody was spoiling me with comfort foods. 2. It would give me something lovely and warm to fall asleep in - accomplishing 2 goals. 1. I would get a nap. 2. Anyone who was around me would realize that I'm sleepier than Snow White's dwarf today. Perhaps that would encourage them to bring me more comfort foods. This would be a lovely cycle. Comfort food...nap...comfort food...nap.

This is, indeed, leading to a point. It's just going to be a circuitous journey to get to it...

Before my Mac days, my habits when tired were very predictable and lovely. I'd find a fluffy couch (hopefully in a place where I was welcome to crash), pull a book off the shelf, and read until I fell asleep. Within a short 2-5 minutes, I could usually get so lost in my thoughts that I would find myself needing to close my eyes to visualize them. Leading, of course, to a nap.

This morning, I was sitting in front of my Mac thinking about the old, green, corduroy couches Alex used to own. Those were nap havens. We should have kept those - forever. I thought about finding pictures of them to look at and reminisce but stopped myself because that seemed as absurd as showing Sebastian a tennis ball and asking him to look at it for his morning exercise.

I decided I needed a little Thoreau. He spent a lot of time zoning out, so his poetry naturally helps me do that. We may not have the green couches, but a girl can still try.

While reading, I realized that I have lost my ability to sit still and appreciate - well - sitting still. I looked at some pictures of Thoreau's cabin by Walden Pond and caught myself wondering if anyone had installed any outlets in it yet.

And then I judged myself - fairly, I believe. I've turned into the person who I swore in my youth I'd never be in my adulthood. I feel comfortable being constantly busy, always multitasking, and relying on the adult distractions of the world to guide my interests.

And so, I've arrived at my New Year's Resolution.

I will take back my thoughts. I will take back my space. I will unplug.

1 comment:

  1. Good for you. When you figure out how to do that will you let me know? Thanks. The first step to addiction recovery is admitting you have a problem, well I admit I have an iphone addiction but now what? How else am I supposed to find my local addiction center / support group? My iphone of course. What if I need a friend to support me, how am I going to reach them? My iphone. It's a vicious, vicious cycle.